SPAM MAIL

Recently, I’ve learnt that some e-mail providers share such information (see previous post) with companies that could use it to tap unsuspecting blokes as customers sensing their consumption habits from the activities in their inboxes. Now what I don’t know is whether they share this information with SPAM engines because today I started noticing what some of it said and now it’s got me worried.I'll share a few lovelies with you folks as I find myself questioning my activity on the internet“Keith is in Bombay, Want me fix you up with him?” (Hmm, when was I on a ‘I like gay foreigners’ website last?)“Enlarge your Boobs now, 100% satisfaction guaranteed!” (Me? Am I supposed to forward this to my skinny she-friends?)“Lowest prices on Viagra. Up already?” (This would have been funny if they hadn't made me the subject)“Valium that doesn’t show in Urine tests, 30% off” (No thanks I’m fine with the JD that does show in my urine)

The Week that was... that should'nt have been 12/03/07 - 19/03/07

A Sardar goes to an electronics shop and asks the salesperson "Do you have a colour tv?"Yes said the salesperson.Then give me a green one please, said the sardar.Of course I started of with a sardar joke. I want to piss of the surds. Ok. So in case many of you folk don't read the newspaper (You must know how hard it was for me not to throw an insult in here), recently a group of Sikh youths, or shall I say sick youths, went to the police, asking for all Internet websites displaying sardar jokes to be banned. It so funny its a joke in itself. And they wonder why we make jokes on them. Banta, this is why. Santa, this is why.And IIT Bombay, one of the most prestigious tech schools in the world, banned Internet for its students from 11 pm to 11 am. Yeah. Way to go. That's just what we don't want our future engineers to get, too tech savvy. I don't know if one of their directors is a member of the All American Rejects, or is just plain stupid. The reasons given were to prevent online gaming into the late night, cause students were coming to class all sleepy eyed. I wonder if a sleepy eyed IIT student still manages to launch a rocket in space, just imagine the potential of a bright eyed IIT student. Hell I say ban the Internet. Ban all forms of recreation on campus. Its the tax payers money. Make those sobs slog their asses off, so that we can get better technology, faster. And of courses, theres the cricket world cup. The Pakistan coach Bob Woolmer passed away(may his soul rest in peace) thanks to the stress induced by the crazy paki fans. Already death warrants had been issued by the enraged fans, in the names of Inzy and Woolmer, but unfortunately, Woolmer encashed his, while Inzy escaped with a pink slip. Of course, the Paki team gets away with anything, since if nothing goes their way, its cause Allah didn't will it to happen. Yeah right. Allah wasn't in your playing 11, that's why you got out for 132 to Ireland. I completely agree with Inzy on that one.
\u003cbr\>Lets see what the coming week has in store for us. Till then, buenas noches. Have a great week.\u003cbr\>\n\u003cbr\>\n",0] ); D(["ce"]); //-->
Lets see what the coming week has in store for us. Till then, buenas noches. Have a great week.

FUCK U !!!

Our moral policing, intelligence lacking, dim witted zany politicians have done it yet again. This time, its not just condom ads or music videos, an entire channel has been banned from transmission in India for 2 months, for showing allegedly obscene content. AXN had a show called Worlds Sexiest Commercials, which used to be televised late at night, when most of the kiddies who should be shielded from anything that could cause the slightest thought of sex percolate through their fuzzy little heads into their innocent little brains, were asleep. But according to the leaders of our nation, the show was not only too obscene to be watched by adults, it was demeaning and offensive to women. So they thought the only right thing to do would be to pull the channel of the air, and prevent people from watching what they wanted on the tele, because this is how a democracy functions. Its not about having a choice. Its about choosing from what is offered to you, by the people in power. Nothing more, Nothing less. And what reeks of typical desi double standards is the banning of only this channel. All music channels have videos of semi naked women, and or lyrics which maybe sexually suggestive. Baywatch does not come at mid night, but in the evening.. And what about women's volleyball? That has babes in bikinis throwing a giant ball around the beach. How demeaning is that? I mean really. People staring at women in their delicates. Oh that's just disgusting. No more ESPN. Down with Murdoch I say!! Oh and here's the juicy bit. A typical Indian soap. Man loves woman. Man marries woman. Woman cant have kids. Man marries another woman. Has kids. And some where along the line some woman is raped, woman's integrity is questioned and or compromised, that depends on the producer of the show. And no where during this entire screening does a single feminist, women's rights activist, or politician stand up to raise his voice at the crap that our tvs dish out to us, in broad daylight. Oh no, this is not against Indian morality, it is what Indian morality is all about. Maybe IB Minister Priyaranjan Das Munshi should actually take a walk down chowpatty beach, with a good cardiologist, cause he will have a heart attack when he sees the thousands of couples with their tongues so deep inside each other that they could actually taste the bile. But no, sorry old tosser might just end up banning kissing between 7 am and 11 pm, so that it doesnt affect the so called Indian morality So again, people of India, wake up, and smell the coffee, because 2 months later, insider information tells me that the health ministry plans to ban the sale of it, cause its got too much caffeine, and that's not good for Indians health. So apart from hoping that the nincompoops at North Block get a sudden spurt in grey cells, and stop banning everything from condom ads, to biker movies to quasi adult content on the tv, do the country a favour, and vote these ninnies out of power.

FUCK U !!!

Our moral policing, intelligence lacking, dim witted zany politicians have done it yet again. This time, its not just condom ads or music videos, an entire channel has been banned from transmission in India for 2 months, for showing allegedly obscene content. AXN had a show called Worlds Sexiest Commercials, which used to be televised late at night, when most of the kiddies who should be shielded from anything that could cause the slightest thought of sex percolate through their fuzzy little heads into their innocent little brains, were asleep. But according to the leaders of our nation, the show was not only too obscene to be watched by adults, it was demeaning and offensive to women. So they thought the only right thing to do would be to pull the channel of the air, and prevent people from watching what they wanted on the tele, because this is how a democracy functions. Its not about having a choice. Its about choosing from what is offered to you, by the people in power. Nothing more, Nothing less. And what reeks of typical desi double standards is the banning of only this channel. All music channels have videos of semi naked women, and or lyrics which maybe sexually suggestive. Baywatch does not come at mid night, but in the evening.. And what about women's volleyball? That has babes in bikinis throwing a giant ball around the beach. How demeaning is that? I mean really. People staring at women in their delicates. Oh that's just disgusting. No more ESPN. Down with Murdoch I say!! Oh and here's the juicy bit. A typical Indian soap. Man loves woman. Man marries woman. Woman cant have kids. Man marries another woman. Has kids. And some where along the line some woman is raped, woman's integrity is questioned and or compromised, that depends on the producer of the show. And no where during this entire screening does a single feminist, women's rights activist, or politician stand up to raise his voice at the crap that our tvs dish out to us, in broad daylight. Oh no, this is not against Indian morality, it is what Indian morality is all about. Maybe IB Minister Priyaranjan Das Munshi should actually take a walk down chowpatty beach, with a good cardiologist, cause he will have a heart attack when he sees the thousands of couples with their tongues so deep inside each other that they could actually taste the bile. But no, sorry old tosser might just end up banning kissing between 7 am and 11 pm, so that it doesnt affect the so called Indian morality So again, people of India, wake up, and smell the coffee, because 2 months later, insider information tells me that the health ministry plans to ban the sale of it, cause its got too much caffeine, and that's not good for Indians health. So apart from hoping that the nincompoops at North Block get a sudden spurt in grey cells, and stop banning everything from condom ads, to biker movies to quasi adult content on the tv, do the country a favour, and vote these ninnies out of power.

Babe : The female chauvinistic Pig

the other day as I was travelling in the bus, I noticed the only vacant seat was the one upfront, reserved specifically for the ladies. So I decided to rather stand instead. At the next stop, a middle aged gentleman got on the bus, and got comfortable on the "ladies" seat. And two stops later, a fiesty not so young but yet not so old womyn got on, and scanned the horizon for a seat. And to her horror, she noticed a Man, sitting on the "ladies" seat. She proceeded towards him, picked up a fight, and won her seat. And as she sat down, she had the look of a lioness who had just defended her prized carcass from a pack of hungry hyenas.That brings me to a very controversial topic, feminism.So let me start of with my view. Personally I am what they call a social progressive. I am against this whole concept of feminism. To put it in a simple, yet neanderthal manner, I think its a load of crap. Infact, I love sexist jokes. Where women are made fun of. But then I also dont mind listening to those jokes where men are made fun of. The typical Why did man make Adam first? So he had a rough copy or something something. Sure, its funny. I have a sense of humour. All guys do.So getting back to my point, the problem of feminism is spread out across the globe.(I deliberately used the word problem to describe feminism to piss off the radical feminists out there. I bet when they read it, their teeth and butt cheeks clenched up so tight it actually trebled their blood pressure causing their ears to bleed)Oh and, when a woman on Oprah says, Oh Oprah, I am a "homemaker" aka housewife, Oprah nods her head like a gazillion times and goes Go Gurl!!, we all know thats the toughest job in the world!! And then the entire crowd of over estrogenised women jump into ecstatic screams and cat calls. I mean Puhleese. Its not the toughest job in the world to be a housewife. The toughest job in the world would have to be that of the guy who sits behind the cashier. I mean look at him, hes the guy who runs out of change, and we always always have to pay up in the biggest denominations, hes the guy who has to tell us that we are not allowed to combine a billion coupons collected over 20 years to get that free Milk Shake. Hes the guy we scream at for not giving us our free milk shake, after we give him a billion coupons we have collected over 20 years. Hes the guy whos robbed at gunpoint. And hes the guy whos fired for letting the store get robbed. So honestly being a house wife definitely beats that.So anyway, my point is that theres no shame in being a womyn. Theres no shame in doing so called womynly things, be it being a house wife, or home maker or whatver you guys want to call it. And its no great shake either. Its how the world is. Its how the world has always been. And its how the world will always be. So stop whining about it. You got PMS. We got our own issues. Its how the world works.Oh, And if theres anything worse than a feminist, or the so called female chauvinist, its a male feminist. To end of this post, I just thought it would be fun to add a really sexist joke, without any profanity though. The really funny ones are the ones with it, they are not suited for this particular audience. So here goes.What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?A woman who won't do what she's told.

Flavoured Condoms out of flavour this season???

People. Its Official. Censor board chief Sharmila Tagore doesnt like XXX Flavoured condoms. Now before your dirty one track minds start working overtime, don't worry, I ain't that desperate, and she ain't that lucky.The ongoing Champions Trophy telecast was chequered with ads by XXX flavoured condoms. The ad shows a lady sucking on a grape provocatively and then asking the viewer, whats you flavour tonight? Well, the ad was more or less something like this. But Sharmila Tagore thought it was in "bad taste", and it should be removed of the air. Of course she's right, how can one use sex, to sell a condom. Sure its okay to show a half naked Malika Sherawat drink an ice cold 7-up. Or maybe the bikini clad Liril girl is okay to sell soap. But show a woman suck a grape for a condom ad? Woh buddy, there are kids in the room !! According to her, the ad could have been more tastefully done, like maybe the Moods condom ads, where they show a guy riding a bike with his lady love, and his maid, finds the condom pack in his room. I am telling you folks, until the maid actually picks up the pack of condoms, for the 37 seconds before that, you would think its an ad for the 125 cc Hero Honda Splendour. But that's what a condom ad should be like.So while we got busy bodies crusading against condom ads on television, or rather, condom ads on Prime time TV, we have an uncontrolled population explosion on one side, and HIV spreading faster than you can say pneumono­ultra­micro­scopic­silico­volcano­coniosis (also spelled -koniosis). Sharmila-ji thinks that the ad should have been telecast after 11pm. So while half the country has turned of the television, since India lost the match at 8 pm, and the other half is actually busy enjoying India's 2nd favourite past time(you don't think a billion people grew of trees did you), there's really no one around to see the ad. But hey, at least the innocent 8 year old kid didn't see it right?

Undercover Fashion Police

According to reports in a reputed English morning daily, there will be plain clothes police officers, who will be going "under cover" to the Lakme India Fashion week. Raison d'être? They don't want any untoward incidents like last years fashion week to occur, where a models assets were exposed to the world. So should something go wrong this time, they will already be present at the crime scene, so it will be a lot easier for them to solve the case. Of course, our super sleuths have still not been able to catch the Bombay bombers of 2006. And also the ones of 1993. But should there be an extra inch of cleavage shown at the Fashion show, mind you, our guys will be there. This time around, self imposed Moral Guardian RR Patil definitely gives a whole new definition to the word Fashion Police.

FUCK BUDDY

When I was younger, I loved open relationships.

People call them “no strings attached” relationships, “fuck buddies” or “friends with benefits”, but whatever name they go by, for most men they are hard to pass up — there is something intensely satisfying about being able to ring up a girl at 11PM, be having sex with her at 11:30, and then be saying goodbye to her by 2:30AM.

Of course, as I got older I realized this had a lot to do with fear of abandonment and commitment, but I was able to address those issues in time, and develop healthier long-term relationships as well.

But when you’re young it’s time to play a bit, to sow those wild oats and, more importantly, to get a good cross-section of experience with a variety of different partners without getting too serious. It’s like dancing: you can’t tell who’s a good partner unless you’ve had some experience with bad partners.

The problem, of course, is that “open relationships” are hard to pull off without one person “catching feelings” for the other, feelings that won’t necessarily be returned in kind.

In this post I want to talk a little about the different types of open relationships, and a few examples of what NOT to do if you really want to maintain a girl at FB or FWB status indefinitely.

Friends with Benefits versus Fuck Buddies
I do think there is a difference, and I do think it is important to be clear about what sort of relationship status you are trying to achieve with a girl.

If you can get her to admit to it, and talk with you about it, it’s best to get her on the same page, as well. Deep down, she might harbor desires for more — but as long as she’s agreed outwardly to play by the rules, you’ve covered your bases.

On the other hand, I’ve known plenty of women who have no problem with open relationships, and are less likely to get attached than some men I know.

Friends with Benefits (FWB): This is the relationship where the friendship bond is stronger than the sexual bond. You two may have developed a friendship first, and made it sexual in a moment of weakness (or passion, or frustration, or rebound) — or sometimes, you will have a strong sexual attraction, but one or the other person decides they want a friendship bond in place as well (usually for comfort and security needs).

Fuck Buddy (FB): A relationship where the sexual bond is really the only bond. These are the true “booty calls” — the people you know you can call at almost any hour of the day or night and, if they’re not doing anything, will come over for a shag. This liaison is extremely casual, low-key, low-investment and no-maintenance.

Whereas with FWB there is a bona fide friendship to maintain, with FBs there is really nothing but an agreement to share sexual experiences whenever it’s convenient.

Friends with benefits are further distinct from Fuck Buddies in that FWB usually go out socially in groups of mutual friends, and do fun non-sexual “friend”-style things, like parties or movies or camping or plays.

So what differentiatesa FWB from a full-blown relationship, you might ask? The absence of monogamy. That’s really the only thing.

How to Keep an Open Relationship, Open
Keeping relationships open is not difficult, it just requires a little backbone. Below are some rough tips:

General guidelines for Open Relationships:

– Do be upfront about your intentions. You don’t have to be blunt or crass (”Ok so You are now my new fuck-buddy”) but you should be unequivocal, especially if she seems unclear (”I’m not looking for a monogamous relationship right now”).

– Do let her know if what you want from the relationship changes (either towards a more committed or less committed status). If she doesn’t like it, she will have to either negotiate or leave. More on relationship ratcheting below.

– Do make it clear that you are seeing other girls (socially and sexually): but by implication only. Do NOT wave it in her face or remind her too frequently.

– Do set your boundaries and stick to them (more specific boundary examples below).

– Do not be sexually judgmental of her, ever.

To establish and hold a FWB

– Do fun “friendship” activities with her (whatever you both like and agree on)
– Do hang out with her without anything sexual happening once in a while
– Do give her good enough sex that she’ll make a good report to her female friends

– Do not make love to her
– Do not buy her things, especially if she asks you to
– Do not accept any instances of her calling you her “boyfriend”, either in front of you or behind your back; shut that shit down before it starts

To establish and hold a FB

All of the “do nots” from FWB above, plus:

– Do not only booty call he when you’re drunk / as a last resort (she can tell)
– Do not socialize with her in a non-sexual way
– Do not intro her to your friends or show interest in an intro to hers
– Do not sex her more than 2x a week at the most; if you sex her 2x in a single week, skip a week

– Do give her extremely good sex

Relationship Ratchets
There are a few things that you might have noticed recurring in the above lists; they are what I think of as Relationship Ratchets, or behaviors / boundaries that I think very clearly indicate the status of the relationship, and the direction it’s headed (more committed / less committed).

I think the big ones are:

Spending money: Spending money on a girl, especially spontaneously, is a clear “provider” signal — it says “I want our relationship to be more serious. I want to provide for you, so you can provide for our kids.” In other words, let’s get married and have kids. This is why it’s SUPER important NOT to spend money on a woman unless that is, in fact, the message you want to convey. On the other hand, if you USED to spend money on a girl, and starting cutting her water off, that will convey that she is falling from your favor.

Frequency of visits: If you see or sex a woman more than 3x a week, it’s LTR-Land for you, buddy (usually). On the other hand, if you have been seeing a woman 3x a week, and start ratcheting it down to 2, then 1, she will usually get the message.

Location of sex: Having sex in bed = more intimate. There’s not a lot of women I actually have sex in my bed with: I’m probably horrible in this respect, I fuck most women on my couch or floor or kitchen or car (or wherever). A lot of guys would probably disagree with me on this; maybe having sex in a sunny field is as intimate as it gets for you; or maybe it’s the bathroom counter. The point is, FIGURE OUT what different sex locations mean FOR YOU and don’t give the sex her in the “intimate” locations unless you want to take things forward.

Frequency of contact Now this isn’t visits: this is phone / email / SMS / internet / snail mail messages. Hint: If you’re talking to a girl every day, no matter what your medium is, you are headed to LTR Land. On the flip side, if you want to dial a girl back from FWB to FB, just return every other call, instead of every one (or whatever percentage). There is a good bit of wiggle room here because of the nature of contacts; you’re going to miss some phone calls, etc.

The Natural Progression
What tends to happen in these open relationships, and what is most important to guard against, is something I call the “Natural Progression”, and it looks like this:

Once you have fucked a girl for long enough, well enough, she will invariably try to progress the relationship to the “next level” of commitment — if a FB, to a FWB…if a FWB, to a LTR….if a LTR, to marriage (if married, to divorce?!)

I believe women are hard-wired to do this, if not for evolutionary reasons, then also with social programming that tells them they will find their happiest state in a committed, financially-entangled relationship with a man (let’s ignore for the moment the conflicting social programming which also tells them they will find their happiest state childless, in the corporate world).

No matter how firm the boundaries you set down at the inception, given enough time and good sex, a woman will always begin testing, probing the edges of your boundaries to see how she can move things along. Stand firm, young soldier: she will follow you lead, even if she doesn’t like it — she will take what she can get (or, maybe she’ll leave, but don’t take that personally, either).

Personal story: Once, a pretty wily girl managed to get me into a LTR with her, when my original intention was just to keep her as a FWB; as soon as I realized this, I ratcheted her back down from a full-blown LTR to a FWB and then a low-rung FB before finally dumping her. It’s not often a girl puts one over on me, but that girl was good; as it happens, I was just a little better. It was funny, though, because it was like a full ladder; from the very bottom to the very top and then all the way down to the very bottom again. There’s really no limit to what you can do with this stuff.

The point is, using the above tools and techniques, you should be able to put the brakes on the “natural progression” for as long as you want or need.

NOTE: for those who feel this entire post is needlessly mechanistic and even manipulative: In an ideal world, I believe relationships should be egalitarian and fully communicative, and the status of the relationship 100% agreed upon by both parties prior to its commencement: but we clearly don’t live in an ideal world (more’s the pity), so we work with what we have.

C’esta la vie, ma chérie.

Whom are You bullshitting???

Reading this post by our esteemed Little Miss Drinkalittle about casual sex at first made me smile, but it also made me think. The term 'casual sex' is fundamentally an oxymoron, much as 'jumbo shrimp' and 'military intelligence'.Before I really get rolling, I should state at the outset that I grew up in a south indian state often referred to as the buckle of the orthodox Belt. In some way I am at least a 'cultural' Hindu; in the sedimentary layers that make up my psyche, you would undoubtedly find archaeological evidence of the influence of both Bhagvadgita and the distinctly puritanical mores of South Indian Orthodoxism. It is impossible to escape one's past, and my past was surrounded by these passive influences. My family was particularly religious, however. We did go to temples, while the idols occupied a nice place in our home that my dad religiously cleaned prayed there everyday.
All that said, I would make the case that anyone who believes that they can have casual sex -- sex without consequence or meaning beyond the moment -- is fooling themselves. Sex, all sex, carries consequence inherent in the act.This is so for one rather simple (or possibly simplified) reason: Sex is the most physically intimate act one can commit with others. The idea of 'casual sex' is fatally flawed because one cannot be both intimate with and indifferent to another human being. I'm not being semantic here. I mean that literally. All acts of intimacy, be they sincere or feigned, carry with them a corresponding emotional charge. It's a simple case of cause and effect. One cannot have an intimate encounter without intimacy, like it or not.Why? Because sex is an implicit acceptance of vulnerability. To have another person see us naked is to have them see us without any of our physical camouflage or cover. Our physical flaws are on display. This is a powerful act of faith (or possibly a reckless gamble). We risk damage to our sense of self-worth by rendering ourselves physically vulnerable to someone who falls, in terms of 'casual sex', more or less into the category of stranger. Imagine the short path to pain inherent in a laugh, or a shudder, and you'll see what I mean. The gamble is this: you risk damage to your own sense of self-worth in hopes of bolstering that same sense of self-worth in the form of the reflected light of desire in another's expression, their action, their... satisfaction. this may be a more male-centered view of sex, but I think it can apply to women as well.So, if sex is an acceptance of vulnerability, both physical and psychological, it seems to me that to consider sex of any sort as 'casual' is willfully self-delusional. Anyone that merits that amount of self-confidence must have the body of Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie, and the centeredness of the Dalai Lama. There may well be people out there that fit the description. If so, they should be ritually stoned for the greater good of humanity.For the rest of us mortals, I think it's important to recognize that the concept of 'casual' sex carries with it the very real danger of objectifying a 'casual' sex partner. By performing the mental acrobatics necessary to turn a person into a thing, an object, two things happen: The first is that the risk of their dissatisfaction or disapproval becomes a non-issue. Does your car's opinion of you matter? Would you even care if it had an opinion? Of course not. It's there to perform a function, nothing more. In objectifying a sex partner, the burden shifts to them. Did they perform their function adequately or not? Your own faults and their perception of them become immaterial.The second thing that happens, as a consequence of the first, is that the degradation of another soul carries with it an equal and opposite reaction. By objectifying others, we in a very real sense objectify ourselves, whether we realize it or not.And therein lies the danger of 'casual' sex. It is self-delusional and ultimately self-degrading. It carries with it the seeds of our own diminishment.#From the above, you might believe that I am against sexual relations with anyone other than someone you are in a committed relationship with. I'm not, really. The human heart makes its own demands, and I am not one to judge. As long as you recognize that the other person is a flesh and blood human being with thoughts, emotions, faults, foibles, a history and a future, and the urge to get nekkid is mutual, and you or they are not otherwise spoken for, then by all means get intimate. Intimacy carries with it its own truth, and we can all use a little more truth in our lives.But intimacy always leaves a mark. Will it be a mark you are likely to look fondly on? Or will it bea mark that you try to cover over later with other, better experiences?

im bored. have a flight to catch. but nowhere to go.my wings are clipped but that dont matter to mei have always hated birds, you see.

Now heres a situation for someone to explain to me
Theres this friend I have had since school from Bangalore and im seeing him after 2 years or so. He is visiting me in suburban Mumbai and we've been quite excited about meeting up. Unfortunately he gets a phone call from a friend...
Background: This dude has always had this bachpan ki dost who he has had a huge thing for since puberty hit him.He's 24 now. He asked her out when we guys were around 16 and she gave him the regular 'I dont look at you that way' jazz. She sees him strictly as a friend.Dude backs off. Dude continues to be friends with her.
But the way this person has persisted/tolerated this chick for half his life makes me feel like strangling someone. Him, her, myself... anyone.
His story is roughly the equivalent of a random guy going to a job interview and the company's HR manager saying, "You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis of comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic or a drug addict. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you.We would still like to maintain our interest since you have such a wonderful profile. We will hire a guy with zero intelligence or skills if we have to,and we'll make sure we run that by you. But we wont hire you. We will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired but we will never hire you. Never."And the fellow keeps going back to the company to ask for a job.Sheesh...Life comes full circle, only to get back to being ridiculous...Anyway, right now hes on the phone with her in the next room. Shes telling him about how her boyfriend is an a**hole and is probably crying. He's trying to console her, while im posting this.

Forgive me O Lord for I should be feeling sad for him. I would do that; if I wasn't busy laughing my butt off!

HAHAHA!!!!!the funniest thing happened to me two minutes back.I'm downloading this song from Warez (P2P downloading software)I message the guy I got it from to say thanks for the song. But, as soon as I'm done he starts downloading it back from me. Yes, the same song.I go like wtf are you doing dude?He tells me "Getting my song back, you motherfucker"

CUT COPY PASTE

Here I am back with the cocktail as promised, even though not many people are reading what im putting down here so obviously nobody had been eagelry anticipating my next post but here goes.I've been spending the vacation locked in my apartment by myself and I have to admit that its has been a strangely refreshing experience. Not one of those self realisation experiences but just generally being with yourself can get quite cool; besides I got to walk around naked after bathing and drying myself naturally. I also realised that none of this , you folks ever wanted to know.But there's something else.. ah yes... I read a horde of books in the last week but one of them I had to had to read at one go. And yesterday I get a phone call from my Marketing SR (Subject Representative, for the uninitiated), telling me that I'm required to submit a book review. Now I'm no psuedo intellectual PG Delhi Univ type who would rewrite the iliad if they could, but I managed to pen my thoughts about the book down.Now, even though it was for the professor alone, the fact that I liked the book so much endeared me to share it with you folks.SO here goes, the copy paste version of my assignment. LoL.

The Other Guy Blinked,

How Pepsi Won the Cola Wars - Roger EnricoTimeline of Events1890: Caleb Bradham, a pharmacist, invents Pepsi as a cure for dyspepsia (hence the name, Pepsi)1895: On requests from people who have taken the drug, Bradham starts marketing vials of the product, claiming they are free of all side effects1915: Pepsi gets carbonated but due to the design of the packaging, shelf life decreases1922: Pepsi goes bankrupt due to fizzing out of the drink on shelves and returned consignments1928: Pepsi recovers from bankruptcy due to improved packaging design1931: Pepsi goes bankrupt for the second time partly due to the great depression.1942: Pepsi recovers yet again to continue selling its black cool drink in North Carolina and nearby places.Fast forward to 1983:Roger Enrico is appointed the youngest president of Pepsi USAEnrico signs a multi million dollar contract with Michael Jackson, the most expensive endorsement deal in history at the timeThe BookWhile reading this book, I actually felt like I was in Pepsi's corporate headquarters, in Purchase New York, listening in on their strategic planning and implementation. Roger Enrico wrote this book when he was just the president of Pepsi USA. He tells a great story of the underdog going to battle with the giant. Later Enrico became the CEO of PepsiCo, and responsible for the spin off that created the new company Tricon. Reading this book will emphasize one's understanding of the importance and value of having a good mentor. Also, after reading Enrico's accounts of the "cola wars" one may never want to watch television or go to see movies again, because all of the real life drama is created by the competition that corporate America thrives on. Enrico points out that Pepsi alone sells enough soft drinks in a year to float an entire armada, and then proposes the question ‘why?’ As he says, “Water is a lot cheaper and booze provides a better kick. It’s all about great marketing”.A bit one sided, but that is what I expected when I borrowed the book from a friend who recommended it to me, being a marketing person himself. It is still a very interesting perspective on Pepsi's strategy throughout history and especially during the cola wars of the early 1080s. It really must have been an exciting time to work for the company. Lots of interesting business/branding issues are covered in the pages of the book.Roger Enrico becomes the president of Pepsi USA with the sole purpose of beating coke. His single minded obsession makes him take the huge risk of signing current rage Michael Jackson to endorse Pepsi. His goal was to devise a marketing strategy strong enough to shift the loyalties of sworn coke drinkers to Pepsi. However his first few days at the position are nothing short of a nightmare as everything goes against him. He even considers resigning from the position and make way for John Sculley (who later famously fired Steve Jobs from his own company, Apple). However Victor Bonomo, the then president of Pepsi International steps in to act as a friend philosopher and guide to Enrico, convincing him to stick on his new position in the company. Enrico goes through a phase of self realization and like most effective managers, makes his own mistakes while making sure he learns from all quarters. However his ability to turn around lost battles eventually makes him come out on top. His self confessed and rather biased ability to turn catastrophe into opportunity forms the attention grabbing demeanor of the book, which is nothing short of a thriller in every sense of the word.To battle the giant that Coke was, Roger uses advertising as the main weapon in his arsenal. He shocks the industry by signing in Michael Jackson for his ad campaign for an exorbitant sum of money. The Michael Jackson campaign is preceded with commercials showing other celebrities of the time endorsing Pepsi and gives sleepless nights to many in Coke’s management, including Roberto Goizuetta, the Brazilian hotshot, who was heading coke USA at the time.Blindfolded tests in public spaces reveal that most people actually prefer the taste of Pepsi when drinking out of Styrofoam glasses but when the coke bottle comes into picture most of them reach out for it, simply because they have been drinking it all their lives and there is a kind of a machismo of old times, coupled with nostalgic moments spent with coke bottles in their hands.However the aggressive advertising of Pepsi coupled with the blindfolded tests, starts to make Pepsi inch closer and closer to Coke.In a desperate bid to retain its market share, the Coke management panics and makes the near colossal mistake of changing the formula of Coke, Merchandise 7X, with new coke, which blind tests reveal is sweeter and tastes more like Pepsi. The new formula fails miserably because the old ‘taste’ has been taken out of it and Coke almost hands over the throne to Pepsi. Within 3 months of the launch of New Coke, Goizuetta and company acknowledge their mistake and re-launch the old formula as “Classic Coke”.Besides being a complete entertainer, one which gets exceedingly difficult to put down, the book teaches important management and marketing lessons. It gives the importance of working with the bottlers who are the main investors and the real value of the company besides of course the final consumer. It shows the importance of basing a business on its grassroots, or as C K Prahlad would put it, ‘at the bottom of the pyramid’.It shows how pretentious companies to showcase their prowess and greatness would spend money on stupid things like extravagant offices of top management and tress flown in from Europe. It shows how the presidents of such companies would have to deal with the tantrums of celebrities at the time. The antics of Michael Jackson at the eleventh hour make for an especially interesting read.A most enriching experience, this book, which I put down with a smile on my face and new thoughts in my mind. A must read for all management students, especially marketing majors.Un-put-down-able

I had disappaeared for a while and have only recently resurfaced. The sole reason of this was my summer internship, which besides moving along really well, keeps me busy for upto 14 hrs. Everyday. Coupled with a need to find an apartment in this city, each day knocks in quite a punch. Most people I used to hang with have now got new friends, new apartments or have moved to different cities. I have had more than one person come and tell me that theres a hush around campus about my finally flipping the lid, which i would like to think is falsified information probably instigated by propaganda of some classmates who get paid for not working at all.A rumour that I had locked myself in my apartment and gotten addicted to eating custard was just that. (A rumour not custard, you moron)So obviously, with all this happening, it doesnt leave much time for socialising but yesterday while a friend and I landed at a favourite haunt, he reminded me of how I had been the 'dial a drinking toast/quote' person in college.It made me wonder why I don't celebrate a drink with a friend in the same fashion any longer. Perhaps its the way my hectic schedule has made me or maybe I have just changed for the worse.Whatever it is, it is unacceptable and I vow to never again indulge in my drink without taking time to appreciate it, especially around a friend.I enclose some of my all time favourite drinking toasts here. Even if one person who reads this remembers to celebrate his/her drink with a friend, it would have made me a very happy man. Cheers!
Here's to all of the women who have used me and abused me...And may they continue to do so! I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working. -- Dave BarryWork is the curse of the drinking class. --Oscar Wilde
The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer. --Ancient Egyptian Wisdom, 2200 B.C.
The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk they're sober. --William Butler
Yeats
Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking.If you cheat, may you cheat deathIf you steal, may you steal a woman's heart.If you fight, may you fight for a brotherAnd if you drink, may you drink with me. -- Alexander Botham
Of all my favorite things to do,the utmost is to have a brew.My love grows for my foamy friend,with each thirst-quenching elbow bend.Beer's so frothy, smooth and cold--It's paradise--pure liquid gold.Yes, beer means many things to me...That's all for now, I gotta pee! -- Gaurav Shanbhag (?)
P.S.- Most of this post is not my own before someone labels me a plagiarist.

Coincidence? I think not

Coincidence? I think not Man, sometimes you realise that the stand-up who said that God has a weird sense of humour wasn’t kidding. God doesn’t laugh on a “A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender…” joke. He needs complex irony so tickle His funny bone.Like when last night I had some really spicy food from a not so clean joint in Kalbadevi. I wake up to my bowels complaining and fidgety. Needless to say, I’ve made umpteen visits to the office loo. I even had a banana and a Dependal tablet, but well some things you just cannot control. I would have tried wearing red underwear, but that joke is too lame, even for me.To top it off, it was spicy food I ate. For the benefit of those readers who are not yet familiar with how graphic I can get in my observations and descriptions, I am going to let your intelligence and imagination collectively figure what I mean by this.Ah yes, about God’s sense of humour… I got back to my seat after one of my visits to the restroom cursing the spicy food and guess which song is playing on my laptop…

I have my exams coming up from day after. Cant believe they're putting me through all this and I'm playing along.

I tried to search for " attractive women in bombay who would like to sleep with overworked b-schooler" on the internet.

No results found.

Google is so overrated.

I might have effectively ruined a 7 year old friendship yesterday when a good friend met me online. For some reason she decided to confide in me and was telling me (apparently!) how her love life with this random fellow I've never even met was transpiring.

Long story short, the chat window looked something like this

HER- And then he told me that he was going to dump me because blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...

...blah blah. You know Gaurav, I wanted to thank you for always being there for me, and for being such a good listener.

ME- Hey, I'm back!

Its a strange city, this Bombay. Its strange because its impossible to try and comprehend how many alter egos this city has. It changes its character, its colour, its people, its smells and its sounds so many times a day, its easy to lose track. Its like living alongside a schizophreniac, and having it mock you in the face, like Rushdie's Tai, an enigma which makes you delve deeper into its brain with you getting more lost with every inch you inch.

Many a times I've heard people say "Amchi Mumbai", which translates to "My Mumbai" and wondered why it is that only in this city people celebrate life the way they do. Why do these folks come down on the streets and celebrate their festivals outdoors. Why do people relate to the city as an extension of their own being. Or why after a deluge in which thousands die, the city wakes up the next morning like nothing happened. Why the Parsis who own prime portions of real estate in town run cafes that barely make a few grand a week when they could lease them out for a few lakhs. Why the security guard, Agarwal, makes only 4000 rupess a month but is one of the jolliest people you'd ever meet. Why Leopold's and Monde's brim with youth culture in the evenings. Why poverty stares you in the face while you look away at Marine drive. Why people smile back at you if you smile at them at Fort. And why Shobha De is a popular writer (?) Questions, there are really no answers to...

Compare this to say Delhi, which many claim is every bit a metro as Mumbai is. Why has it taken more than 5 decades for someone to say "My Delhi"?... The Commonwealth Games? An afluent yet responsible middle class? A little misplaced patriotism post the Rang De Basanti effect? Ahem...

Try as I may, I cannot ever realistically claim that I have found a complex behavioral matrix which explains this strange phenomenon, or why people here enjoy their miserable difficult lives as much as they do. Take my boss for example... but lets save that for another day. However, there is no denying that if there is any place I have seen where people 'live' their lives, its here.

And then there is this repertoire of nuances this city has, which I will follow up later. For now an interesting fact. Recently, I found out that the suburban railway system of Mumbai ferries 2.2 billion passengers every year. A reference point in perspective? The world's population is just over 6 billion.

There are just so many exclusivities attached to this city that it would be unfair to try and put them anywhere except in a book. Hell, Suketu Mehta and Gregory David Roberts couldn't do it justice, I'm just another intern :)