The Week that was... that should'nt have been 12/03/07 - 19/03/07

A Sardar goes to an electronics shop and asks the salesperson "Do you have a colour tv?"Yes said the salesperson.Then give me a green one please, said the sardar.Of course I started of with a sardar joke. I want to piss of the surds. Ok. So in case many of you folk don't read the newspaper (You must know how hard it was for me not to throw an insult in here), recently a group of Sikh youths, or shall I say sick youths, went to the police, asking for all Internet websites displaying sardar jokes to be banned. It so funny its a joke in itself. And they wonder why we make jokes on them. Banta, this is why. Santa, this is why.And IIT Bombay, one of the most prestigious tech schools in the world, banned Internet for its students from 11 pm to 11 am. Yeah. Way to go. That's just what we don't want our future engineers to get, too tech savvy. I don't know if one of their directors is a member of the All American Rejects, or is just plain stupid. The reasons given were to prevent online gaming into the late night, cause students were coming to class all sleepy eyed. I wonder if a sleepy eyed IIT student still manages to launch a rocket in space, just imagine the potential of a bright eyed IIT student. Hell I say ban the Internet. Ban all forms of recreation on campus. Its the tax payers money. Make those sobs slog their asses off, so that we can get better technology, faster. And of courses, theres the cricket world cup. The Pakistan coach Bob Woolmer passed away(may his soul rest in peace) thanks to the stress induced by the crazy paki fans. Already death warrants had been issued by the enraged fans, in the names of Inzy and Woolmer, but unfortunately, Woolmer encashed his, while Inzy escaped with a pink slip. Of course, the Paki team gets away with anything, since if nothing goes their way, its cause Allah didn't will it to happen. Yeah right. Allah wasn't in your playing 11, that's why you got out for 132 to Ireland. I completely agree with Inzy on that one.
\u003cbr\>Lets see what the coming week has in store for us. Till then, buenas noches. Have a great week.\u003cbr\>\n\u003cbr\>\n",0] ); D(["ce"]); //-->
Lets see what the coming week has in store for us. Till then, buenas noches. Have a great week.

FUCK U !!!

Our moral policing, intelligence lacking, dim witted zany politicians have done it yet again. This time, its not just condom ads or music videos, an entire channel has been banned from transmission in India for 2 months, for showing allegedly obscene content. AXN had a show called Worlds Sexiest Commercials, which used to be televised late at night, when most of the kiddies who should be shielded from anything that could cause the slightest thought of sex percolate through their fuzzy little heads into their innocent little brains, were asleep. But according to the leaders of our nation, the show was not only too obscene to be watched by adults, it was demeaning and offensive to women. So they thought the only right thing to do would be to pull the channel of the air, and prevent people from watching what they wanted on the tele, because this is how a democracy functions. Its not about having a choice. Its about choosing from what is offered to you, by the people in power. Nothing more, Nothing less. And what reeks of typical desi double standards is the banning of only this channel. All music channels have videos of semi naked women, and or lyrics which maybe sexually suggestive. Baywatch does not come at mid night, but in the evening.. And what about women's volleyball? That has babes in bikinis throwing a giant ball around the beach. How demeaning is that? I mean really. People staring at women in their delicates. Oh that's just disgusting. No more ESPN. Down with Murdoch I say!! Oh and here's the juicy bit. A typical Indian soap. Man loves woman. Man marries woman. Woman cant have kids. Man marries another woman. Has kids. And some where along the line some woman is raped, woman's integrity is questioned and or compromised, that depends on the producer of the show. And no where during this entire screening does a single feminist, women's rights activist, or politician stand up to raise his voice at the crap that our tvs dish out to us, in broad daylight. Oh no, this is not against Indian morality, it is what Indian morality is all about. Maybe IB Minister Priyaranjan Das Munshi should actually take a walk down chowpatty beach, with a good cardiologist, cause he will have a heart attack when he sees the thousands of couples with their tongues so deep inside each other that they could actually taste the bile. But no, sorry old tosser might just end up banning kissing between 7 am and 11 pm, so that it doesnt affect the so called Indian morality So again, people of India, wake up, and smell the coffee, because 2 months later, insider information tells me that the health ministry plans to ban the sale of it, cause its got too much caffeine, and that's not good for Indians health. So apart from hoping that the nincompoops at North Block get a sudden spurt in grey cells, and stop banning everything from condom ads, to biker movies to quasi adult content on the tv, do the country a favour, and vote these ninnies out of power.

FUCK U !!!

Our moral policing, intelligence lacking, dim witted zany politicians have done it yet again. This time, its not just condom ads or music videos, an entire channel has been banned from transmission in India for 2 months, for showing allegedly obscene content. AXN had a show called Worlds Sexiest Commercials, which used to be televised late at night, when most of the kiddies who should be shielded from anything that could cause the slightest thought of sex percolate through their fuzzy little heads into their innocent little brains, were asleep. But according to the leaders of our nation, the show was not only too obscene to be watched by adults, it was demeaning and offensive to women. So they thought the only right thing to do would be to pull the channel of the air, and prevent people from watching what they wanted on the tele, because this is how a democracy functions. Its not about having a choice. Its about choosing from what is offered to you, by the people in power. Nothing more, Nothing less. And what reeks of typical desi double standards is the banning of only this channel. All music channels have videos of semi naked women, and or lyrics which maybe sexually suggestive. Baywatch does not come at mid night, but in the evening.. And what about women's volleyball? That has babes in bikinis throwing a giant ball around the beach. How demeaning is that? I mean really. People staring at women in their delicates. Oh that's just disgusting. No more ESPN. Down with Murdoch I say!! Oh and here's the juicy bit. A typical Indian soap. Man loves woman. Man marries woman. Woman cant have kids. Man marries another woman. Has kids. And some where along the line some woman is raped, woman's integrity is questioned and or compromised, that depends on the producer of the show. And no where during this entire screening does a single feminist, women's rights activist, or politician stand up to raise his voice at the crap that our tvs dish out to us, in broad daylight. Oh no, this is not against Indian morality, it is what Indian morality is all about. Maybe IB Minister Priyaranjan Das Munshi should actually take a walk down chowpatty beach, with a good cardiologist, cause he will have a heart attack when he sees the thousands of couples with their tongues so deep inside each other that they could actually taste the bile. But no, sorry old tosser might just end up banning kissing between 7 am and 11 pm, so that it doesnt affect the so called Indian morality So again, people of India, wake up, and smell the coffee, because 2 months later, insider information tells me that the health ministry plans to ban the sale of it, cause its got too much caffeine, and that's not good for Indians health. So apart from hoping that the nincompoops at North Block get a sudden spurt in grey cells, and stop banning everything from condom ads, to biker movies to quasi adult content on the tv, do the country a favour, and vote these ninnies out of power.

Babe : The female chauvinistic Pig

the other day as I was travelling in the bus, I noticed the only vacant seat was the one upfront, reserved specifically for the ladies. So I decided to rather stand instead. At the next stop, a middle aged gentleman got on the bus, and got comfortable on the "ladies" seat. And two stops later, a fiesty not so young but yet not so old womyn got on, and scanned the horizon for a seat. And to her horror, she noticed a Man, sitting on the "ladies" seat. She proceeded towards him, picked up a fight, and won her seat. And as she sat down, she had the look of a lioness who had just defended her prized carcass from a pack of hungry hyenas.That brings me to a very controversial topic, feminism.So let me start of with my view. Personally I am what they call a social progressive. I am against this whole concept of feminism. To put it in a simple, yet neanderthal manner, I think its a load of crap. Infact, I love sexist jokes. Where women are made fun of. But then I also dont mind listening to those jokes where men are made fun of. The typical Why did man make Adam first? So he had a rough copy or something something. Sure, its funny. I have a sense of humour. All guys do.So getting back to my point, the problem of feminism is spread out across the globe.(I deliberately used the word problem to describe feminism to piss off the radical feminists out there. I bet when they read it, their teeth and butt cheeks clenched up so tight it actually trebled their blood pressure causing their ears to bleed)Oh and, when a woman on Oprah says, Oh Oprah, I am a "homemaker" aka housewife, Oprah nods her head like a gazillion times and goes Go Gurl!!, we all know thats the toughest job in the world!! And then the entire crowd of over estrogenised women jump into ecstatic screams and cat calls. I mean Puhleese. Its not the toughest job in the world to be a housewife. The toughest job in the world would have to be that of the guy who sits behind the cashier. I mean look at him, hes the guy who runs out of change, and we always always have to pay up in the biggest denominations, hes the guy who has to tell us that we are not allowed to combine a billion coupons collected over 20 years to get that free Milk Shake. Hes the guy we scream at for not giving us our free milk shake, after we give him a billion coupons we have collected over 20 years. Hes the guy whos robbed at gunpoint. And hes the guy whos fired for letting the store get robbed. So honestly being a house wife definitely beats that.So anyway, my point is that theres no shame in being a womyn. Theres no shame in doing so called womynly things, be it being a house wife, or home maker or whatver you guys want to call it. And its no great shake either. Its how the world is. Its how the world has always been. And its how the world will always be. So stop whining about it. You got PMS. We got our own issues. Its how the world works.Oh, And if theres anything worse than a feminist, or the so called female chauvinist, its a male feminist. To end of this post, I just thought it would be fun to add a really sexist joke, without any profanity though. The really funny ones are the ones with it, they are not suited for this particular audience. So here goes.What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?A woman who won't do what she's told.

Flavoured Condoms out of flavour this season???

People. Its Official. Censor board chief Sharmila Tagore doesnt like XXX Flavoured condoms. Now before your dirty one track minds start working overtime, don't worry, I ain't that desperate, and she ain't that lucky.The ongoing Champions Trophy telecast was chequered with ads by XXX flavoured condoms. The ad shows a lady sucking on a grape provocatively and then asking the viewer, whats you flavour tonight? Well, the ad was more or less something like this. But Sharmila Tagore thought it was in "bad taste", and it should be removed of the air. Of course she's right, how can one use sex, to sell a condom. Sure its okay to show a half naked Malika Sherawat drink an ice cold 7-up. Or maybe the bikini clad Liril girl is okay to sell soap. But show a woman suck a grape for a condom ad? Woh buddy, there are kids in the room !! According to her, the ad could have been more tastefully done, like maybe the Moods condom ads, where they show a guy riding a bike with his lady love, and his maid, finds the condom pack in his room. I am telling you folks, until the maid actually picks up the pack of condoms, for the 37 seconds before that, you would think its an ad for the 125 cc Hero Honda Splendour. But that's what a condom ad should be like.So while we got busy bodies crusading against condom ads on television, or rather, condom ads on Prime time TV, we have an uncontrolled population explosion on one side, and HIV spreading faster than you can say pneumono­ultra­micro­scopic­silico­volcano­coniosis (also spelled -koniosis). Sharmila-ji thinks that the ad should have been telecast after 11pm. So while half the country has turned of the television, since India lost the match at 8 pm, and the other half is actually busy enjoying India's 2nd favourite past time(you don't think a billion people grew of trees did you), there's really no one around to see the ad. But hey, at least the innocent 8 year old kid didn't see it right?

Undercover Fashion Police

According to reports in a reputed English morning daily, there will be plain clothes police officers, who will be going "under cover" to the Lakme India Fashion week. Raison d'être? They don't want any untoward incidents like last years fashion week to occur, where a models assets were exposed to the world. So should something go wrong this time, they will already be present at the crime scene, so it will be a lot easier for them to solve the case. Of course, our super sleuths have still not been able to catch the Bombay bombers of 2006. And also the ones of 1993. But should there be an extra inch of cleavage shown at the Fashion show, mind you, our guys will be there. This time around, self imposed Moral Guardian RR Patil definitely gives a whole new definition to the word Fashion Police.

FUCK BUDDY

When I was younger, I loved open relationships.

People call them “no strings attached” relationships, “fuck buddies” or “friends with benefits”, but whatever name they go by, for most men they are hard to pass up — there is something intensely satisfying about being able to ring up a girl at 11PM, be having sex with her at 11:30, and then be saying goodbye to her by 2:30AM.

Of course, as I got older I realized this had a lot to do with fear of abandonment and commitment, but I was able to address those issues in time, and develop healthier long-term relationships as well.

But when you’re young it’s time to play a bit, to sow those wild oats and, more importantly, to get a good cross-section of experience with a variety of different partners without getting too serious. It’s like dancing: you can’t tell who’s a good partner unless you’ve had some experience with bad partners.

The problem, of course, is that “open relationships” are hard to pull off without one person “catching feelings” for the other, feelings that won’t necessarily be returned in kind.

In this post I want to talk a little about the different types of open relationships, and a few examples of what NOT to do if you really want to maintain a girl at FB or FWB status indefinitely.

Friends with Benefits versus Fuck Buddies
I do think there is a difference, and I do think it is important to be clear about what sort of relationship status you are trying to achieve with a girl.

If you can get her to admit to it, and talk with you about it, it’s best to get her on the same page, as well. Deep down, she might harbor desires for more — but as long as she’s agreed outwardly to play by the rules, you’ve covered your bases.

On the other hand, I’ve known plenty of women who have no problem with open relationships, and are less likely to get attached than some men I know.

Friends with Benefits (FWB): This is the relationship where the friendship bond is stronger than the sexual bond. You two may have developed a friendship first, and made it sexual in a moment of weakness (or passion, or frustration, or rebound) — or sometimes, you will have a strong sexual attraction, but one or the other person decides they want a friendship bond in place as well (usually for comfort and security needs).

Fuck Buddy (FB): A relationship where the sexual bond is really the only bond. These are the true “booty calls” — the people you know you can call at almost any hour of the day or night and, if they’re not doing anything, will come over for a shag. This liaison is extremely casual, low-key, low-investment and no-maintenance.

Whereas with FWB there is a bona fide friendship to maintain, with FBs there is really nothing but an agreement to share sexual experiences whenever it’s convenient.

Friends with benefits are further distinct from Fuck Buddies in that FWB usually go out socially in groups of mutual friends, and do fun non-sexual “friend”-style things, like parties or movies or camping or plays.

So what differentiatesa FWB from a full-blown relationship, you might ask? The absence of monogamy. That’s really the only thing.

How to Keep an Open Relationship, Open
Keeping relationships open is not difficult, it just requires a little backbone. Below are some rough tips:

General guidelines for Open Relationships:

– Do be upfront about your intentions. You don’t have to be blunt or crass (”Ok so You are now my new fuck-buddy”) but you should be unequivocal, especially if she seems unclear (”I’m not looking for a monogamous relationship right now”).

– Do let her know if what you want from the relationship changes (either towards a more committed or less committed status). If she doesn’t like it, she will have to either negotiate or leave. More on relationship ratcheting below.

– Do make it clear that you are seeing other girls (socially and sexually): but by implication only. Do NOT wave it in her face or remind her too frequently.

– Do set your boundaries and stick to them (more specific boundary examples below).

– Do not be sexually judgmental of her, ever.

To establish and hold a FWB

– Do fun “friendship” activities with her (whatever you both like and agree on)
– Do hang out with her without anything sexual happening once in a while
– Do give her good enough sex that she’ll make a good report to her female friends

– Do not make love to her
– Do not buy her things, especially if she asks you to
– Do not accept any instances of her calling you her “boyfriend”, either in front of you or behind your back; shut that shit down before it starts

To establish and hold a FB

All of the “do nots” from FWB above, plus:

– Do not only booty call he when you’re drunk / as a last resort (she can tell)
– Do not socialize with her in a non-sexual way
– Do not intro her to your friends or show interest in an intro to hers
– Do not sex her more than 2x a week at the most; if you sex her 2x in a single week, skip a week

– Do give her extremely good sex

Relationship Ratchets
There are a few things that you might have noticed recurring in the above lists; they are what I think of as Relationship Ratchets, or behaviors / boundaries that I think very clearly indicate the status of the relationship, and the direction it’s headed (more committed / less committed).

I think the big ones are:

Spending money: Spending money on a girl, especially spontaneously, is a clear “provider” signal — it says “I want our relationship to be more serious. I want to provide for you, so you can provide for our kids.” In other words, let’s get married and have kids. This is why it’s SUPER important NOT to spend money on a woman unless that is, in fact, the message you want to convey. On the other hand, if you USED to spend money on a girl, and starting cutting her water off, that will convey that she is falling from your favor.

Frequency of visits: If you see or sex a woman more than 3x a week, it’s LTR-Land for you, buddy (usually). On the other hand, if you have been seeing a woman 3x a week, and start ratcheting it down to 2, then 1, she will usually get the message.

Location of sex: Having sex in bed = more intimate. There’s not a lot of women I actually have sex in my bed with: I’m probably horrible in this respect, I fuck most women on my couch or floor or kitchen or car (or wherever). A lot of guys would probably disagree with me on this; maybe having sex in a sunny field is as intimate as it gets for you; or maybe it’s the bathroom counter. The point is, FIGURE OUT what different sex locations mean FOR YOU and don’t give the sex her in the “intimate” locations unless you want to take things forward.

Frequency of contact Now this isn’t visits: this is phone / email / SMS / internet / snail mail messages. Hint: If you’re talking to a girl every day, no matter what your medium is, you are headed to LTR Land. On the flip side, if you want to dial a girl back from FWB to FB, just return every other call, instead of every one (or whatever percentage). There is a good bit of wiggle room here because of the nature of contacts; you’re going to miss some phone calls, etc.

The Natural Progression
What tends to happen in these open relationships, and what is most important to guard against, is something I call the “Natural Progression”, and it looks like this:

Once you have fucked a girl for long enough, well enough, she will invariably try to progress the relationship to the “next level” of commitment — if a FB, to a FWB…if a FWB, to a LTR….if a LTR, to marriage (if married, to divorce?!)

I believe women are hard-wired to do this, if not for evolutionary reasons, then also with social programming that tells them they will find their happiest state in a committed, financially-entangled relationship with a man (let’s ignore for the moment the conflicting social programming which also tells them they will find their happiest state childless, in the corporate world).

No matter how firm the boundaries you set down at the inception, given enough time and good sex, a woman will always begin testing, probing the edges of your boundaries to see how she can move things along. Stand firm, young soldier: she will follow you lead, even if she doesn’t like it — she will take what she can get (or, maybe she’ll leave, but don’t take that personally, either).

Personal story: Once, a pretty wily girl managed to get me into a LTR with her, when my original intention was just to keep her as a FWB; as soon as I realized this, I ratcheted her back down from a full-blown LTR to a FWB and then a low-rung FB before finally dumping her. It’s not often a girl puts one over on me, but that girl was good; as it happens, I was just a little better. It was funny, though, because it was like a full ladder; from the very bottom to the very top and then all the way down to the very bottom again. There’s really no limit to what you can do with this stuff.

The point is, using the above tools and techniques, you should be able to put the brakes on the “natural progression” for as long as you want or need.

NOTE: for those who feel this entire post is needlessly mechanistic and even manipulative: In an ideal world, I believe relationships should be egalitarian and fully communicative, and the status of the relationship 100% agreed upon by both parties prior to its commencement: but we clearly don’t live in an ideal world (more’s the pity), so we work with what we have.

C’esta la vie, ma chérie.