Now heres a situation for someone to explain to me
Theres this friend I have had since school from Bangalore and im seeing him after 2 years or so. He is visiting me in suburban Mumbai and we've been quite excited about meeting up. Unfortunately he gets a phone call from a friend...
Background: This dude has always had this bachpan ki dost who he has had a huge thing for since puberty hit him.He's 24 now. He asked her out when we guys were around 16 and she gave him the regular 'I dont look at you that way' jazz. She sees him strictly as a friend.Dude backs off. Dude continues to be friends with her.
But the way this person has persisted/tolerated this chick for half his life makes me feel like strangling someone. Him, her, myself... anyone.
His story is roughly the equivalent of a random guy going to a job interview and the company's HR manager saying, "You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis of comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic or a drug addict. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you.We would still like to maintain our interest since you have such a wonderful profile. We will hire a guy with zero intelligence or skills if we have to,and we'll make sure we run that by you. But we wont hire you. We will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired but we will never hire you. Never."And the fellow keeps going back to the company to ask for a job.Sheesh...Life comes full circle, only to get back to being ridiculous...Anyway, right now hes on the phone with her in the next room. Shes telling him about how her boyfriend is an a**hole and is probably crying. He's trying to console her, while im posting this.

Forgive me O Lord for I should be feeling sad for him. I would do that; if I wasn't busy laughing my butt off!

HAHAHA!!!!!the funniest thing happened to me two minutes back.I'm downloading this song from Warez (P2P downloading software)I message the guy I got it from to say thanks for the song. But, as soon as I'm done he starts downloading it back from me. Yes, the same song.I go like wtf are you doing dude?He tells me "Getting my song back, you motherfucker"

CUT COPY PASTE

Here I am back with the cocktail as promised, even though not many people are reading what im putting down here so obviously nobody had been eagelry anticipating my next post but here goes.I've been spending the vacation locked in my apartment by myself and I have to admit that its has been a strangely refreshing experience. Not one of those self realisation experiences but just generally being with yourself can get quite cool; besides I got to walk around naked after bathing and drying myself naturally. I also realised that none of this , you folks ever wanted to know.But there's something else.. ah yes... I read a horde of books in the last week but one of them I had to had to read at one go. And yesterday I get a phone call from my Marketing SR (Subject Representative, for the uninitiated), telling me that I'm required to submit a book review. Now I'm no psuedo intellectual PG Delhi Univ type who would rewrite the iliad if they could, but I managed to pen my thoughts about the book down.Now, even though it was for the professor alone, the fact that I liked the book so much endeared me to share it with you folks.SO here goes, the copy paste version of my assignment. LoL.

The Other Guy Blinked,

How Pepsi Won the Cola Wars - Roger EnricoTimeline of Events1890: Caleb Bradham, a pharmacist, invents Pepsi as a cure for dyspepsia (hence the name, Pepsi)1895: On requests from people who have taken the drug, Bradham starts marketing vials of the product, claiming they are free of all side effects1915: Pepsi gets carbonated but due to the design of the packaging, shelf life decreases1922: Pepsi goes bankrupt due to fizzing out of the drink on shelves and returned consignments1928: Pepsi recovers from bankruptcy due to improved packaging design1931: Pepsi goes bankrupt for the second time partly due to the great depression.1942: Pepsi recovers yet again to continue selling its black cool drink in North Carolina and nearby places.Fast forward to 1983:Roger Enrico is appointed the youngest president of Pepsi USAEnrico signs a multi million dollar contract with Michael Jackson, the most expensive endorsement deal in history at the timeThe BookWhile reading this book, I actually felt like I was in Pepsi's corporate headquarters, in Purchase New York, listening in on their strategic planning and implementation. Roger Enrico wrote this book when he was just the president of Pepsi USA. He tells a great story of the underdog going to battle with the giant. Later Enrico became the CEO of PepsiCo, and responsible for the spin off that created the new company Tricon. Reading this book will emphasize one's understanding of the importance and value of having a good mentor. Also, after reading Enrico's accounts of the "cola wars" one may never want to watch television or go to see movies again, because all of the real life drama is created by the competition that corporate America thrives on. Enrico points out that Pepsi alone sells enough soft drinks in a year to float an entire armada, and then proposes the question ‘why?’ As he says, “Water is a lot cheaper and booze provides a better kick. It’s all about great marketing”.A bit one sided, but that is what I expected when I borrowed the book from a friend who recommended it to me, being a marketing person himself. It is still a very interesting perspective on Pepsi's strategy throughout history and especially during the cola wars of the early 1080s. It really must have been an exciting time to work for the company. Lots of interesting business/branding issues are covered in the pages of the book.Roger Enrico becomes the president of Pepsi USA with the sole purpose of beating coke. His single minded obsession makes him take the huge risk of signing current rage Michael Jackson to endorse Pepsi. His goal was to devise a marketing strategy strong enough to shift the loyalties of sworn coke drinkers to Pepsi. However his first few days at the position are nothing short of a nightmare as everything goes against him. He even considers resigning from the position and make way for John Sculley (who later famously fired Steve Jobs from his own company, Apple). However Victor Bonomo, the then president of Pepsi International steps in to act as a friend philosopher and guide to Enrico, convincing him to stick on his new position in the company. Enrico goes through a phase of self realization and like most effective managers, makes his own mistakes while making sure he learns from all quarters. However his ability to turn around lost battles eventually makes him come out on top. His self confessed and rather biased ability to turn catastrophe into opportunity forms the attention grabbing demeanor of the book, which is nothing short of a thriller in every sense of the word.To battle the giant that Coke was, Roger uses advertising as the main weapon in his arsenal. He shocks the industry by signing in Michael Jackson for his ad campaign for an exorbitant sum of money. The Michael Jackson campaign is preceded with commercials showing other celebrities of the time endorsing Pepsi and gives sleepless nights to many in Coke’s management, including Roberto Goizuetta, the Brazilian hotshot, who was heading coke USA at the time.Blindfolded tests in public spaces reveal that most people actually prefer the taste of Pepsi when drinking out of Styrofoam glasses but when the coke bottle comes into picture most of them reach out for it, simply because they have been drinking it all their lives and there is a kind of a machismo of old times, coupled with nostalgic moments spent with coke bottles in their hands.However the aggressive advertising of Pepsi coupled with the blindfolded tests, starts to make Pepsi inch closer and closer to Coke.In a desperate bid to retain its market share, the Coke management panics and makes the near colossal mistake of changing the formula of Coke, Merchandise 7X, with new coke, which blind tests reveal is sweeter and tastes more like Pepsi. The new formula fails miserably because the old ‘taste’ has been taken out of it and Coke almost hands over the throne to Pepsi. Within 3 months of the launch of New Coke, Goizuetta and company acknowledge their mistake and re-launch the old formula as “Classic Coke”.Besides being a complete entertainer, one which gets exceedingly difficult to put down, the book teaches important management and marketing lessons. It gives the importance of working with the bottlers who are the main investors and the real value of the company besides of course the final consumer. It shows the importance of basing a business on its grassroots, or as C K Prahlad would put it, ‘at the bottom of the pyramid’.It shows how pretentious companies to showcase their prowess and greatness would spend money on stupid things like extravagant offices of top management and tress flown in from Europe. It shows how the presidents of such companies would have to deal with the tantrums of celebrities at the time. The antics of Michael Jackson at the eleventh hour make for an especially interesting read.A most enriching experience, this book, which I put down with a smile on my face and new thoughts in my mind. A must read for all management students, especially marketing majors.Un-put-down-able

I had disappaeared for a while and have only recently resurfaced. The sole reason of this was my summer internship, which besides moving along really well, keeps me busy for upto 14 hrs. Everyday. Coupled with a need to find an apartment in this city, each day knocks in quite a punch. Most people I used to hang with have now got new friends, new apartments or have moved to different cities. I have had more than one person come and tell me that theres a hush around campus about my finally flipping the lid, which i would like to think is falsified information probably instigated by propaganda of some classmates who get paid for not working at all.A rumour that I had locked myself in my apartment and gotten addicted to eating custard was just that. (A rumour not custard, you moron)So obviously, with all this happening, it doesnt leave much time for socialising but yesterday while a friend and I landed at a favourite haunt, he reminded me of how I had been the 'dial a drinking toast/quote' person in college.It made me wonder why I don't celebrate a drink with a friend in the same fashion any longer. Perhaps its the way my hectic schedule has made me or maybe I have just changed for the worse.Whatever it is, it is unacceptable and I vow to never again indulge in my drink without taking time to appreciate it, especially around a friend.I enclose some of my all time favourite drinking toasts here. Even if one person who reads this remembers to celebrate his/her drink with a friend, it would have made me a very happy man. Cheers!
Here's to all of the women who have used me and abused me...And may they continue to do so! I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working. -- Dave BarryWork is the curse of the drinking class. --Oscar Wilde
The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer. --Ancient Egyptian Wisdom, 2200 B.C.
The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk they're sober. --William Butler
Yeats
Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking.If you cheat, may you cheat deathIf you steal, may you steal a woman's heart.If you fight, may you fight for a brotherAnd if you drink, may you drink with me. -- Alexander Botham
Of all my favorite things to do,the utmost is to have a brew.My love grows for my foamy friend,with each thirst-quenching elbow bend.Beer's so frothy, smooth and cold--It's paradise--pure liquid gold.Yes, beer means many things to me...That's all for now, I gotta pee! -- Gaurav Shanbhag (?)
P.S.- Most of this post is not my own before someone labels me a plagiarist.

Coincidence? I think not

Coincidence? I think not Man, sometimes you realise that the stand-up who said that God has a weird sense of humour wasn’t kidding. God doesn’t laugh on a “A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender…” joke. He needs complex irony so tickle His funny bone.Like when last night I had some really spicy food from a not so clean joint in Kalbadevi. I wake up to my bowels complaining and fidgety. Needless to say, I’ve made umpteen visits to the office loo. I even had a banana and a Dependal tablet, but well some things you just cannot control. I would have tried wearing red underwear, but that joke is too lame, even for me.To top it off, it was spicy food I ate. For the benefit of those readers who are not yet familiar with how graphic I can get in my observations and descriptions, I am going to let your intelligence and imagination collectively figure what I mean by this.Ah yes, about God’s sense of humour… I got back to my seat after one of my visits to the restroom cursing the spicy food and guess which song is playing on my laptop…

I have my exams coming up from day after. Cant believe they're putting me through all this and I'm playing along.

I tried to search for " attractive women in bombay who would like to sleep with overworked b-schooler" on the internet.

No results found.

Google is so overrated.

I might have effectively ruined a 7 year old friendship yesterday when a good friend met me online. For some reason she decided to confide in me and was telling me (apparently!) how her love life with this random fellow I've never even met was transpiring.

Long story short, the chat window looked something like this

HER- And then he told me that he was going to dump me because blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...

...blah blah. You know Gaurav, I wanted to thank you for always being there for me, and for being such a good listener.

ME- Hey, I'm back!

Its a strange city, this Bombay. Its strange because its impossible to try and comprehend how many alter egos this city has. It changes its character, its colour, its people, its smells and its sounds so many times a day, its easy to lose track. Its like living alongside a schizophreniac, and having it mock you in the face, like Rushdie's Tai, an enigma which makes you delve deeper into its brain with you getting more lost with every inch you inch.

Many a times I've heard people say "Amchi Mumbai", which translates to "My Mumbai" and wondered why it is that only in this city people celebrate life the way they do. Why do these folks come down on the streets and celebrate their festivals outdoors. Why do people relate to the city as an extension of their own being. Or why after a deluge in which thousands die, the city wakes up the next morning like nothing happened. Why the Parsis who own prime portions of real estate in town run cafes that barely make a few grand a week when they could lease them out for a few lakhs. Why the security guard, Agarwal, makes only 4000 rupess a month but is one of the jolliest people you'd ever meet. Why Leopold's and Monde's brim with youth culture in the evenings. Why poverty stares you in the face while you look away at Marine drive. Why people smile back at you if you smile at them at Fort. And why Shobha De is a popular writer (?) Questions, there are really no answers to...

Compare this to say Delhi, which many claim is every bit a metro as Mumbai is. Why has it taken more than 5 decades for someone to say "My Delhi"?... The Commonwealth Games? An afluent yet responsible middle class? A little misplaced patriotism post the Rang De Basanti effect? Ahem...

Try as I may, I cannot ever realistically claim that I have found a complex behavioral matrix which explains this strange phenomenon, or why people here enjoy their miserable difficult lives as much as they do. Take my boss for example... but lets save that for another day. However, there is no denying that if there is any place I have seen where people 'live' their lives, its here.

And then there is this repertoire of nuances this city has, which I will follow up later. For now an interesting fact. Recently, I found out that the suburban railway system of Mumbai ferries 2.2 billion passengers every year. A reference point in perspective? The world's population is just over 6 billion.

There are just so many exclusivities attached to this city that it would be unfair to try and put them anywhere except in a book. Hell, Suketu Mehta and Gregory David Roberts couldn't do it justice, I'm just another intern :)